Everybody knows the fine print is where the real info is. Unfortunately for me, testosterone does not come with fine print. Yes, there are many well-known side-effects listed and places to find what will probably happen when you take it. But it also says that there's no way to know EXACTLY how testosterone will affect you because everyone's body processes it differently. So you're basically running a "mini experiment" on yourself. I'm currently running a mini experiment on myself.
I started taking testosterone about a month ago, with just one shot a month. And I recently had my second shot. Let me tell ya, those side-effects are REAL. Unfortunately, I'm only getting what could be classified as the "bad" or "negative" side-effects first. I still haven't seen any of the "good" ones take effect on me. And these "bad" side-effects are pretty annoying, ya know. I've been getting very moody, and I still live with my parents so you know what that means. I recently shared in one of the LGBTQ support groups I visit, that I had one day gotten unbelievably angry at A PIECE OF LASAGNA. Even today, I got angry at my mother for making two grocery lists just because she "didn't like the way the first one looked". Obviously, I tapped into my inner man and thought to myself "My God! Women are insane! What the fuck is wrong with them?!" but proceeded to walk to the car quietly without yelling at my clearly insane mother. I've actually caught myself on the verge of screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DO YOU ENJOY DRAINING WHAT LITTLE PEACE AND SANITY I HAVE LEFT?!" and then I remember she gave me life, a place to live, food, blah blah blah. So yes, testosterone tends to make you a bit more aggressive than you really are, but you don't really turn into this Hulk menace who terrorizes the entire city. You don't go on a puppy-killing, candy-stealing, money-robbing, sexual harassment spree. Not even close. However, you DO get moody and emotional from time to time. You DO get days where you could just eat a whole zebra (oh yeah, I just quoted Simba from Lion King). You DO "eye-fuck" pretty much anything with a pulse. And you DO get nasty break outs all over your face and some parts of your body. But that's enough of this negative-ness. Let's get into the positive stuff before I scare you off.
I started writing this post about a week ago and I've notice a little bit of change since then. I shall elaborate. Ahem. I have officially noticed an itty, bitty change in my voice. Excuse me while I celebrate: AAAAAWWWW YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!. As I was saying, my voice has gotten just a tiny bit deeper and less annoying to my ears. It's not a HUGE change, but it's definitely a change. I also noticed a bit of change on my facial hair. This is harder for me to confirm because I've ALWAYS had facial hair, it's in my genes and I can't help it. I'm used to having facial hair and I honestly can't tell if it's just my imagination or if a new pattern is arising. But since I'm all about the positive vibes now, I'll assume it's a real change. So finally, after an array of annoying "negative" effects, the grass has turned greener, the sun is starting to rise, and I have my copy of Born This Way DELUXE Version. All is right in the world. Sort of...
Stay frosty.
*NOTE: As you may have noticed from my previous posts, I am sarcastic and I tend to put A LOT of humor into these posts. Therefore, any remark about me hating my mother, or wanting to ship her to Antartica is NOT TRUE. Wait, I never said I wanted to ship her to Antartica, right? Oops. Anyways, I'm a huge "mama's boy" so don't get yerr thongs in a twist and just enjoy the humor.
No mothers were harmed in the making of this post.
5/26/2011
5/07/2011
OH MY RA...JA!
Hello again. Now, usually, I'm quite witty and organized and put together in here, but just for tonight you will have to bear with me being psychotic and freaking the fuck out, K? Allllrighty then. You are wondering why I'm freaking out, yes? Well, you see, I just got home from a place called Parliament House, here in Orlando. What happened there? Bear with me now........................................................................I FUCKING MET FUCKING RAJA FROM RUPAUL'S FUCKING DRAG RACE!!!!!!!!!!! Now, if you have no idea what I'm blabbering about, PLEASE get yo ass over to LogoTV's website and watch the ENTIRE 3rd season of Rupaul's Drag Race and THEN keep reading. Ahem, as I was saying, I fucking met Raja at Parliament House tonight. Why is that such a big deal? First of all, I'm a wimp. A pussy. A scaredycat. And I had to get up on a stage to take a picture with him. This scared me quite a bit because I'm painfully shy, I have self esteem issues, etc, etc, etc. Second, because of what Raja means to me personally.
Some people there were just waiting to take a picture with two fabulous drag queens. Some were there to take a picture with the latest winner of Rupaul's Drag Race. Well, my friends, I was there because I wanted-- nay -- I NEEDED to meet someone that gave me strength, motivation, and inspiration, and that had made it. Through a bunch of shit to get were they were. I needed to look at his face from inches away, touch his hand, hear his voice, and see that he was real. See that he was not made up by LogoTV or Rupaul. I needed a piece of my dream to become my reality. No, my dream is not to be a fabulous, fierce drag queen. I'm talking about my dream to make it big. I LOVED watching Raja on TV every week, turning it out, being fierce and everything. But what REALLY got to me, what made me say "This bitch is def on my Inspirations list." was those few, powerful moments when Raja talked about wanting to win for every little boy out there that didn't fit in, about how it's OK to go against the grain and be different, and love yourself. That's the big deal. That's why I'm freaking the fuck out. I met someone that embodies what I feel and believe in. And let me tell ya, Raja was lookin' FIERCE in that blonde wig. I shall briefly recount my regrettably brief encounter.
OK, so, today I went to dinner with my family for Mother's Day. I had everything planned out. I was gonna have dinner and then bolt outta there ASAP to go see Raja. But alas, plans changed and I ended up at my sister's house after dinner. This was not so unfortunate for I got to see half of the HBO Monster Ball Special. So after that, I went home and I was debating in my mind whether I should still go or not because I was tired and I didn't have anyone to go with. Then I heard Gaga's voice say "Are you kidding me? You better get your ass over there, motherfucker." So I garnered whatever strength and will I had, and I got my ass over there. When I got there, I was nervous because I was alone and I have this paralyzing fear of making a fool of myself when I'm alone. But I stayed and went over to the stage where they had the meet & greet. I must have stared at Raja and that stage for 15 or 20 minutes until I finally said to myself "You did not just come over here to be a fucking pussy. You are doing this. Nothing can stop you! BAHAHAHA!" Yes, I laugh like a maniac inside my head. So I got in line like everyone else, and when I finally get to the stairs before the stage, this person pulls me aside and asks my why I didn't have a bracelet on. I was like "No fucking way. This is it. It's the end. It's over, I'm fucked, I'm going home a loser. Might as well be polite and try to keep going." So I explained that I didn't know blah blah blah blah blah. Miraculously, the person let me stay! Of course, they said "I'll let you stay, but you take the picture and the go." So I was like "FUCK YEAH!!!" in my mind. Then, it was my turn. I had this little PURPLE sticky note with my name, e-mail, and the link to my blog in my hand. I literally had like 1 second to give him the note and tell him to please read my blog because it would mean a lot to me. It was close, but I managed to do it! So I took the picture and IMMEDIATELY gave him the note and told him because I knew I was instantly about to get yanked away. As I was exiting the premises, I couldn't help but chuckle like an idiot and think to myself "OH MY GOD! I MET RAJA! AND HE MAY ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG! HE MAY EVEN FEEL COMPELLED TO E-MAIL ME!" So I got in my car, blasted off to my house to write this post (whilst holding back tears) and sat down in front of my computer, dizzy with sleepiness yet hyper with excitement and pride for what happened tonight. So there ya go. That littlegirl boy from Puerto Rico who was brave, strong and fearless, is slowly but surely resurfacing. I just hope that someday, I can be someone's Raja, and then ultimately, someone's Lady Gaga. Dream big or go home, people.
P.S. Raja, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I know your real name ain't Raja, I know it's Sutan. And more importantly, I hope to see you in drag when you're in your 80's, turning it out at some retirement home here in Florida. And thank you for being you and being brave for people like me.
Stay frosty.
Some people there were just waiting to take a picture with two fabulous drag queens. Some were there to take a picture with the latest winner of Rupaul's Drag Race. Well, my friends, I was there because I wanted-- nay -- I NEEDED to meet someone that gave me strength, motivation, and inspiration, and that had made it. Through a bunch of shit to get were they were. I needed to look at his face from inches away, touch his hand, hear his voice, and see that he was real. See that he was not made up by LogoTV or Rupaul. I needed a piece of my dream to become my reality. No, my dream is not to be a fabulous, fierce drag queen. I'm talking about my dream to make it big. I LOVED watching Raja on TV every week, turning it out, being fierce and everything. But what REALLY got to me, what made me say "This bitch is def on my Inspirations list." was those few, powerful moments when Raja talked about wanting to win for every little boy out there that didn't fit in, about how it's OK to go against the grain and be different, and love yourself. That's the big deal. That's why I'm freaking the fuck out. I met someone that embodies what I feel and believe in. And let me tell ya, Raja was lookin' FIERCE in that blonde wig. I shall briefly recount my regrettably brief encounter.
OK, so, today I went to dinner with my family for Mother's Day. I had everything planned out. I was gonna have dinner and then bolt outta there ASAP to go see Raja. But alas, plans changed and I ended up at my sister's house after dinner. This was not so unfortunate for I got to see half of the HBO Monster Ball Special. So after that, I went home and I was debating in my mind whether I should still go or not because I was tired and I didn't have anyone to go with. Then I heard Gaga's voice say "Are you kidding me? You better get your ass over there, motherfucker." So I garnered whatever strength and will I had, and I got my ass over there. When I got there, I was nervous because I was alone and I have this paralyzing fear of making a fool of myself when I'm alone. But I stayed and went over to the stage where they had the meet & greet. I must have stared at Raja and that stage for 15 or 20 minutes until I finally said to myself "You did not just come over here to be a fucking pussy. You are doing this. Nothing can stop you! BAHAHAHA!" Yes, I laugh like a maniac inside my head. So I got in line like everyone else, and when I finally get to the stairs before the stage, this person pulls me aside and asks my why I didn't have a bracelet on. I was like "No fucking way. This is it. It's the end. It's over, I'm fucked, I'm going home a loser. Might as well be polite and try to keep going." So I explained that I didn't know blah blah blah blah blah. Miraculously, the person let me stay! Of course, they said "I'll let you stay, but you take the picture and the go." So I was like "FUCK YEAH!!!" in my mind. Then, it was my turn. I had this little PURPLE sticky note with my name, e-mail, and the link to my blog in my hand. I literally had like 1 second to give him the note and tell him to please read my blog because it would mean a lot to me. It was close, but I managed to do it! So I took the picture and IMMEDIATELY gave him the note and told him because I knew I was instantly about to get yanked away. As I was exiting the premises, I couldn't help but chuckle like an idiot and think to myself "OH MY GOD! I MET RAJA! AND HE MAY ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG! HE MAY EVEN FEEL COMPELLED TO E-MAIL ME!" So I got in my car, blasted off to my house to write this post (whilst holding back tears) and sat down in front of my computer, dizzy with sleepiness yet hyper with excitement and pride for what happened tonight. So there ya go. That little
P.S. Raja, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I know your real name ain't Raja, I know it's Sutan. And more importantly, I hope to see you in drag when you're in your 80's, turning it out at some retirement home here in Florida. And thank you for being you and being brave for people like me.
Stay frosty.
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